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I usually avoid retrospectives at the end of the year. But maybe I’m getting sentimental as I get older, or maybe this year was an outlier. I sure hope that it is, because I don’t want to have a year like this ever again.

It’s been one thing after another: getting the terminal diagnosis for my father in January, seeing how he deteriorated and then ultimately his death at the end of March. But meanwhile we had the stress of buying the (new) house, which started in February and culminated at the end of March, the day before my father’s funeral. And then there was the stress of getting everything in order for the actual transfer in May. On top of those administrative tasks, I also had to support my mother with the administrative tasks surrounding the death of my father — something that is not completely handled yet, even today. And then we had to work hard to clear out the (old) house to make it presentable for sale, in September. It is both kind of depressing and exhausting to go through all of your possessions, take then in your hand, and then decide if you are going to keep it or not. We worked so hard to make the house “empty and white”, and then there was the stress of the actual selling, compounded by the stress and sadness of losing Mikan in August. Meanwhile there was the stress of kicking off the renovation project: what will happen, when, what will the end result be, how much will it cost? And then there was the stress of packing for the move, the actual move itself, and then unpacking and finding a spot for everything. And then there’s some stuff going on with my job since October, and…

I feel like the stress and exhaustion has seeped into my bones. When I have time to rest, the exhaustion seeps out again, through osmosis, and I am just… tired again. We’re very happy in the new house, but the happiness certainly has a thick layer of sadness surrounding it. I hope that 2025 will give us some time to recover and a reason to look forward, to allow the layer of sadness to be worn away by the passage of time.

Crossposted from my blog. Comment here or at the original post.